5 Things I Learned From My First Year of Marriage
I can’t believe a year ago today I was walking down the aisle and saying “I do”. It’s crazy how fast time flies and the seasons change when you’re busy doing life together. I thought I would share with you all 5 things I learned from my first year of marriage. I know that one year of marriage is just a blip to couples that have been together for decades! However, I truly believe that the first year is such a learning experience where you and your significant other are really figuring out how to do life together. I hope all of you can take away something valuable from my experience and, as always, please leave comments below!
It's All About the Little Things
After all the excitement of getting engaged and planning for a big wedding, lots of couples (including myself) feel a little lost. I was so used to the huge moments in our relationship that after we were back home,it was hard not having a big event in our life to immediately plan for! The truth is though, not every moment of your relationship will be crazily exciting. There won’t always be proposals and gorgeous wedding dresses to keep your relationship sparkling and well nourished. It’s all about the little things, the small ways you show each other you care that keep kindling your connection after the big day.
I’m absolutely no expert, but I try to tell Andrew how much I appreciate him every day and show my appreciation through little notes, uninterrupted time together, helping him with chores when I know he’s had a crazy busy day. I’m a huge believer in keeping romance alive by appreciating the little moments and showing you care in little ways no matter how long you’ve been together. I see Andrew’s face light up when I do these small things for him that make a large impact. This is one of the most important 5 things I learned from my first year of marriage.
Take 5 Minutes Every Day to Connect
As a pair of crazy busy teachers we normally launch out of bed at 5AM, work out and then run out the door to start our crazy day. I often have rehearsals until 5 or 6PM and then go to bed at 9PM. Meaning Andrew and I don’t have a ton of quality time together on the weekdays.
I’ve found myself sometimes talking to Andrew but not really listening to our conversation because I’m thinking of my class schedule for the next day or what I should make for dinner the tomorrow.
It’s hard for me to be present all the time but I really try to make it a priority to give Andrew at least 5 minutes at the start and end of the day where I am fully present, no distractions. This means EYE CONTACT, just us talking and definitely no phones! You’d be surprised at how much even a few minutes of true quality time can help you de-stress after a crazy day and grow together.
Here’s an exercise that Leah told me about to help you connect and be present with your significant other:
- Put away distractions (phones, TV, etc.)
- Take a couple deep breaths
- Look at your significant other and think of 3 things you notice about them right in that moment. It can be something physical, how their hand feels in yours but try to grasp onto 3 things. This will really help you be present and settle your mind for quality time. I’ve been trying to do this every day and LOVE IT!
Don't Rely on Each Other for Everything
As much as I love Andrew to the moon and back, I know he can’t be my everything. I need time for myself and to grow my friend relationships. As a busy couple, sometimes it’s hard to build in time with other people when you’re tired after a long day of work. However, I know that Andrew can’t give me the same feeling I have after a girl chat with Leah or after a night out with my friends or even an hour by myself at the coffee shop. I’m not saying that I don’t feel complete with him, but Andrew makes me feel fulfilled in our own unique ways. I know that I have to have a little “me time” and time with friends in order to come back home and nourish Andrew and my relationship.
Balance is such a key component to being happy and building a healthy marriage. (Again, I’m still working on all these aspects!)
It's Important to Set Goals Together
This kind of piggy backs off of the first point but I’ve learned that it’s important to find long term goals that you can strive for together! Whether it’s buying a house, planning a trip together, or running a 5K, I think it’s important to have something to work for together. Then you can celebrate your successes as a team! Andrew and I love saving for trips and make it a goal to go on a new adventure every year. This way we have a collective aspiration and something to get excited about together. I think setting goals also shows that you see one another as an important player in your future life.
Find Time to Disconnect
As a blogger I tend to be on my phone…A LOT. I’ll openly admit that it’s hard for me to set down my phone and not check in for awhile. So many of us can’t resist the pull of technology even at work or at family events MYSELF INCLUDED! It is so so so so soooo important to set your phone down at give your significant other at least a few minutes without distraction every day. It sounds simple but it’s NOT! Of these 5 things I learned from my first year of marriage, this is definitely one of the hardest.
I’ve made it a priority to spend the first 5 minutes of my morning, when Andrew gets home from work, and when we’re going to be to NOT be on my phone. When I think about it long term, I would hate to have missed out on a change to grow our relationship because I was checking on an Instagram post instead of connecting with the most important person in my life! Sometimes I even try to leave my phone at home when we go out so it’s not even there to tempt me.
Taking time to disconnect has made such a huge difference for us as a couple and is a constant working goal.
Andrew, I love you more than anything in this world and I can’t wait to see what the future holds!
