5 Love Languages: How to Show You Really Care

I can’t believe today marks 6 months of marriage to the man of my dreams. In someways it seems like much longer while on the other hand, I still can’t believe Andrew and I are married! It’s been a busy but exciting 6 months and, although we’ve been dating for over 6 years, I feel like I have learned a lot about my relationship since saying “I do”.

To me, being married to my best friend is a huge gift and also a big responsibility. I pray everyday for a long, happy marriage and for holy guidance to make that happen. I know that a wholesome marriage requires commitment and lots of dedication to each other and I love learning new ways to truly express my love to Andrew. One resource that has really impacted our relationship is “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. This book talks about 5 different ways (languages) that people express love and want to receive love. By discovering your love language and the love language of your partner, you can better express your care and devotion to them.

I would highly recommend this book and will give you all a little overview of the 5 love languages below.

Quality Time

It’s not surprising that in order to have a successful relationship you need to spend time together. However, just being in the same room and sitting on the couch texting may not cut it for your partner. Quality time is all about giving your loved one your undivided attention. This can be SOOO hard especially with all the distractions in our every day lives: constant technology, kids, work, cleaning…the list goes on.

If this is your partner’s love language make sure you take time to have a conversation or find an activity together where you can make EYE CONTACT and limit distractions. How many times do you look at your partner but not really SEE them? Try to take even a few minutes a day to shut the world out and really see your partner and express your love to them.

Words of Affirmation

Letters, poems, sticky notes, texts, and even a whispered ” you are so beautiful”: all of these are examples of words of affirmation. I have always loved receiving kind words from loved ones. I still have letters from friends in middle school that I reread from time to time because their words meant so much to me. If this is your partner’s love language, don’t underestimate the power of an “I love your more than anything” text or even a quick note thrown into their lunchbox. These small acts can really speak to your loved ones.

Physical Touch

Physical touch is a love language that can be displayed in so many ways. For some people, holding hands while out at the mall and cuddling on the couch are gestures that truly make them feel loved and appreciated. Others need even more intimate connections to feel close to their partner. Depending on your age, stage of life, and religious beliefs, these can all differ but if your partner’s love language is physical touch, find ways that you can sneak in a hug or even a back rub to give them a little extra care.

Acts of Service

For some people, helping with chores, meal preparation, car maintenance, etc are the ways to their heart. I remember a former teacher saying she would spend hours every week cleaning the floors and reorganizing the pantry to show her family that she cared for them. Andrew’s love language is acts of service and he is religious about refilling my windshield wiper fluid, vacuuming the house, and cleaning the counter tops to show me that he cares. Since I know this is his love language I can recognize the love and care he puts into these actions for me.

Receiving Gifts

I remember having a boyfriend back in high school that would leave small gifts in my locker several times a week. They would range from a small piece of chocolate to bringing me lunch. There are lots of people who love to receive and give small gifts to their loved ones to show that they are thinking about them! Gift giving can sometimes be a misunderstood love language. It’s not that this person is greedy or materialistic, they simply like the thought and time their partner puts into selecting a gift for them!

Realizing Your Love Language Can Change

As you grow, don’t be surprised if your love language changes! Andrew and I have both found that “Acts of Service” have become more important now that we are full time teachers and our free time is limited. We have both retaken the Love Language Quiz several times over the past 6 years to see where we’re at and to make sure that we are reaching each other in the most meaningful ways.

It’s also important to point out that we as people don’t just fit into one box. My love language is split between physical touch and quality time. We all need a little bit of each love language at different times and on different days! It’s helpful to know that there is one love languages that really speaks to you but don’t be afraid to shower your partner with displays of love from all categories!

Please feel free to reach out with questions or comments.

XOXO-Sarah

Photo credits: Karli Kemme Photography